This morning I exercised again with deliberation. It went well. So too did the meditation. It may have only been for ten minutes but I made an important breakthrough. I have always found it difficult to relax whilst meditating and even if I achieve relaxation my breathing becomes very short and irregular – I panic.
In my meditation group in Germany we discussed a similar problem regarding letting go. One member of the group noticed that after breathing out there was slight panic about the lack of breath in her body. She described how if she simply let go the breathing would take care of itself. This is very important anyway, because it is vital that we relinquish control over our breathing during meditation in order to be able to observe it.
As with the relaxation, I have found it almost impossible to observe my own breathing. This morning, however, I allowed my panic to continue. My breathing continued to be short and irregular, but slowly it settled down and I settled down with it. It was the same concept we had discussed once in the men’s group when I talked about the tightness my back – relax and feel the pain, relax further and the pain disappears. This is just what I need to progress with my meditation.