The Analysis Will Come

Again, not the ideal start to the day – I overslept. It is proving more difficult than I imagined to get back into my routine. When I’m in it, it’s easy to get out of bed, but at the moment I am struggling.

On my walk this morning I tried to practice observing and NOT analysing. I saw a schoolboy running across the road and I thought ‘he’s late’. This was an easy observation but then I realised it was, in fact, an analysis. I tried again. ‘He’s running’. That was even simpler. I continued. ‘He has a book and a ruler in his hand’. I did not need to draw any conclusions about what I was seeing because the feeling accompanied my thoughts – he’s late and he hasn’t finished his homework. It is so simple. Do not attach any significance to what I see because that will only block the feelings. Simply observe what I see and what I hear and the feelings will come. If they don’t come immediately it’s okay. It may be an indication of the complexity of the issue. Relax.

Karaj and I talked about some people’s propensity for criticism. I have found this a source of particular irritation in the past because I have allowed those people to undermine my confidence. I have reacted badly and returned fire with comments of my own which have merely caused the situation to escalate towards arguments, fall-outs and petty, childish point-scoring. The only reaction I can possibly give is no reaction at all. If I am confident of who I am then no-one can undermine me. They can only do so if I allow it. So, relax, because if someone is having a go at me then it most probably says more about who they are than it does about me. After all, I know who I am. I am confident with who I am and the odd comment here and there cannot change that.

Aubrey came round last night. It was lovely to have some company for a change. He has been instrumental in providing me the opportunity to work so closely with Karaj and for that I am truly grateful.

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