One important point from the weekend which I have overlooked. Being in a situation without my teacher I was pleasantly surprised at just how much I know. It is only when I am exposed in this way that my acquired knowledge comes to the surface. This fact will encourage me to participate in the men’s group to the level which Karaj already knows I can achieve. Also, the time with Dev helped to emphasise just how committed we both are to the process. Seeing Dev in the way that Karaj sees me has helped me to understand that I am very committed.
The accounts came out again today in an attempt to finish them off once and for all. Within 10 minutes I was very annoyed with the mess they were in. I couldn’t help but think that if Karaj had exercised a little more discipline with his paperwork, all of my anguish could have been avoided. Thankfully I verbalised this to Karaj and after we had talked about it I felt much better. Moreover, once I had relaxed I found many of the documents I was looking for. Karaj quoted from the Hindu holy scriptures:
If I don’t know you I serve you.
When I serve myself I am you.
He explained that although my perception is that the mess is Karaj’s – my annoyance is with Karaj – it is in fact an opportunity for me to face my own mess head on and sort it out. If I have been charged with sorting out mess, it matters not whose it is; it is a clear indication that I have mess of my own to sort through. It is an opportunity not an obstacle. This is the difference between Karaj and myself. I become annoyed (very quickly) whereas he smiles. He knows that we all have stuff to sort out and when an opportunity to sort it comes our way we should embrace it. If I did not have the accounts to reconcile, then some other problem would come my way. I would not be on this planet if I did not have stuff to reconcile, and when I have sorted everything out my work is done.
My mistake is in believing that my mess should be dealt with by the use of therapeutic interventions. I should know by now that everything is a therapeutic intervention. In addition, it is interesting that when things go well it is down to me, but when things go wrong it is always somebody else’s fault. Praise and blame depend on my perception, when the reality is that everything comes from the same source – the universe – and is neither positive nor negative. It just is.