6.20 A short program of exercises. Somehow I feel even more tired today than I did yesterday. I cannot concentrate very well – my mind is eating away relentlessly at the confidence I have built up in myself. I am still feeling negative about my life. It was great to see my friends at the weekend but I cannot stop comparing myself to them. I wonder why they are friends with me when I am not like them and offer little of what they seem to be looking for – I am failing to see the beauty of diversity.
[Karaj: Is that so?]
I wonder how they appear so relaxed and confident, whilst I feel turmoil and confusion. I feel accused when they ask me what I’ve been doing lately. Even the most innocent of questions can put me on the defensive. I am always looking at them and thinking to myself, ‘Should I be like that?’.
[Karaj: You were and you were not satisfied. Why?]
I am working hard to develop myself and they already seem well-developed people. It all takes its toll but there seems to be nothing I can do about it – the inevitability of these comparisons is unavoidable.
[Karaj: These are all your interpretations. Stop it.]