Woke up at 9am and ate my normal fruit breakfast, but I continued to eat here and there throughout the morning. I noticed just how easy it is to eat and how it creates excitement. It also provides a distraction for me when I don’t want to face my issues. So, I do eat to avoid something. Going without requires discipline.
I also noticed just how much I am, and always have been, like dad. He is too considerate of other people, often to his own detriment. He plays the martyr and expects praise and recognition for his acts, yet when it comes his way he discounts it or denies it. He is not firm enough nor straight enough, nor man enough. I take after him in all those areas, but things are changing.
From time to time the homework from Thursday entered my head. As yet I have no subject but I tell myself that the more I relax the more likely it is that I will find my material. Relax.
This afternoon I had a great Adult-Adult (TA) conversation with dad about copying the tape of my appraisal from the men’s group onto CD. We discussed the technological options and restrictions in such a way that we both communicated fully and clearly with each other, and in doing so we clarified what needed doing and how we could do it. Moreover, we had real fun together as we played with the intricacies of the equipment. Dad is also a perfectionist but rather than get uptight about it or cut him short by assuring him that his suggested levels of accuracy were not necessary, I allowed him his space because such things need expression – I know.
One of the lessons for the day for me was the satisfaction of doing. I put the recording off a couple of times but in the end I got on with it. Not only was it a wholly enjoyable exercise – effective, uncomplicated, and great fun – but it also provided the day with a satisfaction that can only be felt through achievement.
The journey home was uneventful and I gained further insight into this predilection for drama which I seem to have. I look for it everywhere. I don’t demand it and I am not particularly frustrated when it doesn’t happen but at the same time I am not appreciating the beauty of boredom. Life is much easier and simpler when dramas don’t occur, and my life is correspondingly more peaceful if I am not looking for, creating or courting drama.
21.00 E&M 60 mins. A gentle routine but concentrated and aware. This is the key for me: don’t overdo it. Don’t be in a hurry.