The negativity persists despite my attempts to think positively. In the afternoon Karaj, Robert and I sat together. Robert recognised that I had plunged into negativity and advised me to be positive and see it as an opportunity to investigate, work through and conquer my negativity. I felt lighter at being able to talk about the negativity which has enveloped me recently and for the rest of the day I took it easy. I did some work on my appraisals but mostly I was glad of the chance to relax in Robert’s company. I gave some thought to the visions which I need to create for myself in order to give my life the necessary substance, but I could not come up with anything.
In the evening, Karaj and I talked just like we always talk. In the course of our conversation he highlighted two visions that I have:
- The need to sever all ties with my past.
- To stick around in order for me to meet the challenge of NOT moving on. (See also: ‘Changing Patterns’.)
I had been talking about those thoughts when Karaj interjected, pointing out to me that here were my visions. I felt enormously relieved and a little emotional. I had been looking far too far ahead of myself and could see nothing. In the state I have been in, I have needed more immediate dreams, and now I have them, I have some solidity in life which will help me to focus my energies regardless of how I feel. When Karaj dropped me off at home I felt much much better than I have over the past few days.