As I finished my breakfast I had a vision of me in my own house or flat eating healthy breakfasts every day. I began to dream. A flat in Germany… a country obsessed with health… a cottage in Wales… fresh air… six months in Germany… six months in Wales…working hard in Germany… returning to Wales to write my books… I am a writer… support from Robert… next year, a year of writing with Karaj… writing books which will help me and help others… inviting the men from the group to my cottage in Wales for prolonged stays… living my life… contributing to others… people coming to Wales to benefit from my company… daring to dream.
Yesterday Karaj and I talked about the wish list I had brought to the very first men’s group in January 2000. I looked at it again in February of this year and here it is again:
- To work with like-minded people in a friendly environment doing worthwhile work.
- I enjoy talking to people about interesting things.
- I enjoy speaking German – I love being bilingual.
- I enjoy helping people to understand.
- Life at its best is simple. I enjoy conveying this simplicity and seeing the understanding spread across the faces of others as they realise the simplicity involved.
- To support and be supported in our efforts to make the world a better place – allowing the individual and the planet to fulfil its potential.
- To do a job which gives a sense of satisfaction.
- Helping people to think for themselves.
These do not change any of the dreams in the previous paragraph. They are compatible with each other and they show me that, where two weeks ago I thought I could not see any long-term vision for myself, I am now seeing that my dreams have always been there. I just need to grant them space to grow and flourish.
As regards my health, Karaj has already told me it will take me two years to reach full fitness. Taking that as my time frame, I give myself one year for the numbness and other sensations to completely disappear so that I can walk properly, and then a further year for me to build up my strength to the point where I am fitter and stronger than ever. One important prediction to be aware of is the problems caused by not walking normally for any length of time. The body tends to adjust to any imbalance and I must be careful that this does not cause more pain and discomfort. With two years – to Christmas 2003 – I am giving myself time to get back to health. Take that time.
Men’s group. I started by saying that today has been a good day. This is Child ego state. It means I’m okay today but what about yesterday or tomorrow. I need to talk more generally rather than be specific. It’s the same when I say that the group has been powerful today – it is always powerful.
Earl shared his Grenoble issue with us and when he had finished Karaj said ‘What assumptions has Earl made, what equations has he created in his head, and how is it that you create dilemmas and complexities and mess yourselves up?’ We split into pairs and came up with a long list which we then fed back to Earl at a fast pace, wasting no time in getting our points across. As with every intervention in the group, there is always something for both sides. I wrote down the following assumptions about Earl which also apply to myself:
- this is his last chance
- his wife needs him
- he cannot change his mind – that would be too unreasonable
- this is a not-to-be-missed opportunity to change his life
- he’s missing out if he doesn’t go
- it’s better to go than to stay
- he’ll never be considered again by these people
- there are barriers to him going
- he leaves everything to the last minute and then blames everyone
- that the issue is complicated
The list which the group compiled was much larger than I expected, and along with the speed and intensity of the feedback, it showed all of us just how effective we are, as individuals and as a group. Earl took some of the comments on board and felt that others did not ring true. Karaj told him that it is the comments which do not seem to apply which he has to take most notice of.
Karaj began to talk of visions. At the start of the group I had mentioned the impact which visions have had on my life over the last two or three weeks and I felt that now was my opportunity to raise the issue of the vision workshop which Karaj and I had briefly discussed. Unfortunately, in my enthusiasm about the subject and my lack of surety as to how to put it to the group, I ended up forcing the issue and almost demanding a commitment there and then. I cringed as I was doing it. I had been unsure of how to go about it and I learned a valuable lesson when Karaj intervened. He asked me to share something of myself with the group – create relationships with them – and then after that he addressed the group casually and said, ‘The workshop is there if you want it.’
What I shared with the group were my dreams from Jan 2000. We went through the list and one by one we established that they are already happening – everyone could see that I am living my dreams. Karaj went on to say that all we need to do is to write our dreams down. If we cannot write them down then they are not our dreams. It’s that simple.
We finished early tonight and as Leon summed up, he showed particular interest in the vision workshop. He said this happened because I had shared my personal experience with him, creating a relationship with him and because of this he could see how effective it is to dream.