Men’s Group. We talked about how our script fucks us up. We split up into pairs and it was while talking to Ishwar that I realised just how much damage I do to myself. I cause myself physical harm in order to get people (women) to mother me, and when things are going well for me I cause myself physical harm again. It is unintentional because I’m unaware I’m doing it, but still, how destructive is that?
Karaj used this point to highlight why we are not moving forward as quickly as I would like. He told me that until I can calm down, accept and own my progress, and do well without messing myself up, we are going nowhere.
Learn To Pastime In An Emergency
I also isolate myself, not wanting to put people out. This is wholly unnecessary. Ishwar raised the issue of the time recently when I was in a rush to get some jobs done and catch a train to meet up with Sunil. Ishwar arrived as my whirlwind was reaching its peak of activity, but it never occurred to me to ask him for a lift. That, I thought, would be rude and selfish. (Stop this!)
Karaj explained that, had I done so, Ishwar and I could have pastimed together and he could have had an hour’s rest which he really needed. So, my script is not just confined to me; it affects all around me. Be aware of this. Karaj told me that until I can remain calm under stress and learn to pastime in an emergency then we will not be moving onto the next level.
Dev made a good point when he told me that rather than tell people to stay where they are while I go round them – not wanting to put people out – I should ask them to move or just go through them.
As it said in the book I am reading, people will tell me if they are put out and if they don’t then it is their problem. This led on to another, associated problem of mine – fear of rejection. I often don’t ask because I don’t want to be turned down. Karaj told me that my fear of rejection comes because I am not asking a straight question. I am devious and manipulative. Be straight and be direct. There is creativity when we are straight because everything is open and free.
Karaj – ‘You cannot go to your limits if you mess around with something you have initiated.’
According to Karaj, my negativity is a result of all the aspects of script. Sort the other stuff out and the negativity will go.
Acknowledge The Script’s Ingenuity
Through the example of Sunil’s predisposition to thinking, Karaj highlighted that the ingenuity of the script must be acknowledged. Sunil thinks too much, yet when he phoned the insurance company he messed up by not thinking. This meant that, having not thought for a minute he caused a problem which gave him something to think about for a week. In addition when he talked to others about his problem they became confused – another example of how our script affects those around us.
The solution to the issue is to acknowledge the ingenuity of the script because it allows Sunil to believe that he has screwed up by not thinking; thus lending more justification to future thinking as well as providing a problem to think about for a week and mess others up with too. Amazing. (See also: How I Manipulated Everyone.) By complimenting Sunil on the ingenuity of his script, that unconscious process (thinking) becomes conscious and the script becomes visible instead of being driven deeper underground where it can lurk and cause damage at will. So the problem is also the solution – they are just two sides of the same coin.
We all need to greet our script, acknowledge its existence and make its acquaintance. When we are in script, our environment sees us as a problem. When we are not in script, we are positive, which society views with suspicion and tries to bring us down. So, it is very important to be quiet and to find a middle path between the positives and negatives of script. If I try to be positive I will activate my script and negativity will soon follow. Positivity only exists with negativity and if I am being positive then I am denying my negative side. So, I have to change so slowly that I do not upset my script. It is the neediness that messes us up.
‘The last step is to transcend positivity and negativity’ – Karaj
‘Keep on trying, slowly, conscientiously, gently. Be very still’ – S.N. Goenka
Script Is Evident In The Words We Use
We discussed Dev’s script following his declaration that, ‘When I am doing well, I get excited and expect wonderful things to happen. When they don’t I become disappointed and withdrawn’. Again we had to acknowledge the ingenuity of script in denying the fact that wonderful things do happen to Dev all the time. Also the fact the that he started his sentence with ‘when’ is a big clue – it implies that he thinks that he isn’t doing well. So, Dev’s disappointment is unnecessary because the achievement is there.
As we discussed this I stated that ‘I am trying desperately hard to understand and not to lose the thread of understanding I have’. This is my script talking because I do understand. I am highly intelligent and have been on the path of understanding since I was 14 and, therefore, do not have to ‘try desperately’. Neither do I have to hang on to any thread of understanding because I never lose anything. So, our scripts are evident in the words we use but as Karaj said, ‘Look behind what people say not at what they say’.
For the rest of the day we worked through people’s agendas – George’s timetable, Calvin’s forthcoming meeting about his son, and Dev’s photographs of his father – before finishing early at 22.30.
Learning points for me:
- To pastime in an emergency and to be calm under stress
- Be still, be quiet and go slowly
- Reduce the time and energy spent on appraisals
- See people’s scripts in everything they say and do