Say Goodbye To The Old Life

07.00 E&M 50 mins. The exercises were a little difficult – my pain and my limping, for whatever reason, seem worse at the moment – and I felt a little subdued this morning. I resolved to verbalise this to Karaj. I did so when we met this morning. I talked without any manipulating undertones or unspoken hooks to rescue me from myself. I simply told him where I am. He said I am doing well. Yesterday’s meeting with Calvin was a big step in the right direction for me, allowing me to see Karaj’s work first hand.

We talked further. My mood indicates that, because I am doing well, I am being rubber-banded back to my old life. Yesterday evening I had begun to clear my room and rationalise my belongings ready to move out when Aubrey gets married at the end of March. I had looked through all the letters I have received over the years from friends and lovers, and I read a few.

It made me melancholic that I no longer have contact with some of these people, and sad as I recalled some of the painful episodes in my life. I felt that, as I looked back on my life, I was being offered a chance to return to an old, familiar place. But when Karaj told me it is all about saying goodbye to that life, it made immediate sense and my mood lifted. Such are the positive effects of verbalisation. Keep it up.

I wrote up the minutes from yesterday’s meeting. It was more enjoyable than I had considered it would be. This is a trait of mine which needs addressing: I make things difficult in my head and get worked up by this perception. Change it. [Karaj: Verbalise it.]

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