07.00 E&M 35 mins. Travelled to the house feeling good but annoyed at the prospect of spending the afternoon with Robert. It is always the initial contact which causes such feelings of reluctance and disdain. Once we had chatted I felt fine. For the rest of the day I was quiet. In my quietness I was aware that I need to be careful that I do not go too far and withdraw.
In the session at the end of the day I verbalised my issue with Robert – it seems that whenever we are together there is a barrier which we must first overcome before we can be effective in our work or dialogue together. I am always unsure of the space Robert is in and whether I will be belittled or patronised or blocked.
Robert said that for his part there is the jealousy of me being Karaj’s assistant. Karaj put him straight that nobody is favoured above anyone else in his eyes. Robert continued, and talked about the urge to father me as he has done with his own daughters, which includes competing with them. He added that he also gets paranoid when we don’t answer or return his calls and thinks that we are talking about him. Again, Karaj put him straight that he does not talk about anybody behind their back and if we do not answer the phone then it is because we are busy or stuck in our own negativity.
I felt good about having talked about my issue and Karaj told me I need to make it part of my own procedure that everyone sits down for a final word before we leave. I agreed, saying that Karaj and I used to do just that regularly but in the last year we have done it less and less. Procedure: a supervision session (no matter how short) before we leave the house.
At home Aubrey and I painted the woodwork in the bedroom and finished the day off at around 2am with a good laugh together. While we were working I told him how much I have enjoyed living in his house and that these past two years have been among the best years of my life.