Take Charge

07.20 E&M 40 mins. Feeling very tired today and not really with it. We were all given a lesson in taking charge this morning when the latest set of boards were delivered. All three of us, Sunil, Robert and myself, showed our subservience once again as we waited for Karaj to issue instructions. Take charge.

At lunch Robert and Sunil told me that whether I believe it or not, my imminent moving out of Aubrey’s is causing me unconscious distress. I couldn’t see it at first because I have done this so many times before and it also satisfies the need in me to move on after two years, but I understand that it is causing me some kind of turmoil. It is a serious issue. I am saying goodbye to a part of my life. I have enjoyed living in Aubrey’s house, having time to myself and also helping him to decorate it in readiness for his own family life to begin after his marriage.

Worked in the garden in the afternoon – not because I wanted to but because I needed to. In future I need to recognise my withdrawal and demand physical work. I worked well and speedily with Dev and Sunil on the heavy wooden construction for the flower bed in the front drive – our mistake was in rushing into the work without ‘feeling’ what was involved and deciding (quickly) how best to go about it. It took Karaj’s input to get us started. This made me feel that it is no wonder we don’t take charge when Karaj already has his ideas of how to do things.

When I raised this in a feedback session Karaj told me that he had not known how to do it either, but had immersed himself in the problem and had quickly arrived at a solution – something we could have done too. For my part, once we had a method of construction I abandoned all my usual conservative behaviour and just got on with it, knowing that I have ability and that I was working with good people who would support me.

Once Robert and Karaj had finished putting in the fence panel in the front garden, all five of us came together to move our heavy wooden panel through the house and into position. We worked as a team and everybody made suggestions as to how best to manoeuvre it through a tight space. Moreover, everybody listened to those suggestions. We worked effectively and harmoniously. It was a real pleasure.

In the session afterwards Karaj made two important points:

  • People think there is not enough positivity to go around – they are too ready to turn any positivity into negativity instead of receiving the positivity.
  • Encourage people – they will blossom

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