Woke up this morning feeling alone and emotional. I was at a wedding yesterday; everyone had been part of a couple, and now I felt the reality of moving out of Aubrey’s house. Two days ago Sunil and Robert had helped me move most of my belongings out. I had not felt sad in any way, although there was a little excitement about moving on (emotion), but now the sadness was there. I immediately got to work on cleaning the kitchen. I knew I had to do physical work to get me out of my head.
Later, at the house, I felt constant waves of emotions. And at times I thought to myself, ‘When I get home tonight I will have a good cry’. However, because of the constant ebb and flow of these emotions I began to see that, in fact, my whole life is run by emotions. I am at their mercy. I began to catch each wave as it started to form and told myself to get stuck into work, or to verbalise something – anything – just to make contact with something other than my feelings. It worked. I was able to take a greater control over my emotions. Together we put the first two panels into the ground in the sunken garden. It was a tough task forcing them together into place but we managed it.