My Negativity Shows A Lack Of Commitment

Spent the morning working on SHG appraisals with Ishwar. The learning point which came out of it when Karaj returned with Dev, was that there is no need for me to go into therapy issues with Ishwar, or anyone else. My job is to make sure that they do their job, and whatever Ishwar writes or remembers or forgets for his appraisal, that is where he is, and Karaj will take it from there. This makes it easier for all concerned.

Thought: I don’t prepare because I think I cannot predict what will happen. The point is if I have a vision (about the day, even or about my life) I can take control and dictate what happens according to my vision. So, my preparation is based on my vision.

I rested while the men went to the temple (tomorrow is full moon). In the supervision session I challenged Simran on an issue from earlier in the week. My challenge was too nice and, as Robert said, too full of feeling and explanation. I seem to come from one of two extremes when I challenge – either nice or aggressive. Karaj told me to remember the Truth – that is all that matters.

I started to give my brainstorm on my Germany trip next week – how to deal with the people I will see in the organisations I visit. I began with a negative: that I tend to get nervous when talking to people, thinking that my German is not good enough. Karaj finished the process there and then, saying that my negativity shows a lack of commitment and I am, therefore, not ready. He told me to have fun and we will discuss things on my return.

Part of me bashed myself up about this but another part of me accepted that I am not ready. I am clearly not ready because I don’t know how to approach the issue of gaining contracts abroad, but this means that one day I will be ready and when that day comes I will feel totally different to how I feel now. That encouraged me and I was able to relax.

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