I went low when the cost of the computer repairs was established and struggled to get out of it. Karaj on the other hand came alive. He told me that when things go wrong we need to rise to the challenge and in the midst of the negativity do all we can to move our process on a little way so that when the negativity passes we are a little further forward than before and so can hit the ground running again.
I went down again in the evening when I heard Karaj tell Dev that I do not work hard enough. Karaj had to pick me up again like so many times before and I even used that to bash myself up too. When I am low I think I lack commitment and ability. However, it’s not my lack of commitment I feel, it is my Child ego state (CES). I am committed, so relax and deal with the CES rather than worry about commitment. When giving feedback, talk about how things touch me, how others’ issues relate to me. Engage. I talked to Dev – he has gone through all the same feelings and doubts I have and he is succeeding. I can do it too.
In the end I set about typing up Francis’s long and detailed letter to me about his forthcoming sabbatical, so that Karaj can cut and paste it as he appraises it. I resolved to work until I finished it. I lay down for ten minutes at 02.00 and fell asleep on the couch. This has been the first day of the next phase of my work here.