Friday
07.30 very tired & stiff. Chat with Karaj. He told me I am tired because I am torn between following procedures and cutting corners. Follow procedures! Watered the transplanted evening primroses; backed up files onto an external drive; updated log on computer work. Worked for the rest of the morning with Karaj on the monthly statements for all clients. He dictated and I typed. Simran arrived as we were finishing and, when Ishwar arrived, we all moved into the garden, digging buckets from the ‘smoking’ room.
Slight emergency with the side panels in the sunken garden. The wood had cracked and the panel was in danger of collapsing inwards. I did not react well to the emergency. No responsibility. We secured the panel quickly with ceiling jacks, and then gave thought to a more long-term solution. I offered one which tallied with Karaj’s: brace the entire corner with wood and ceiling jacks. I took more responsibility.
Simran not verbalising again. Ishwar and I challenged him and he was his usual, withdrawn self. Took a break to cook food for Dev before rejoining the men in the garden. More buckets: a total of 98. Tidied up; showered and greeted Dev and Priya. I expected the others to help themselves to food. Be assertive and invite them. Talked to people about the agendas for weekend. Saw how Priya talks about herself in a straight way. She is not negative or intense. We updated the statements. Bed at 01.00
Saturday
Exercises. Dumped rubbish; food shopping. Greeted Dev & Priya. Supervision: Simran’s anxiety and no verbalisation regarding Priya’s room; me taking compliments. Welcomed Ishwar. He has issues with his wife and his lack of verbalisation. Relate, talk, what is the truth? (Death). Dev’s funeral recollection; brief yet detailed, good analysis, maturity and awareness.
Prepared lunch; did not give clear, militaristic instructions. Garden: buckets from ‘smoking’ room; initiated the dumping of buckets while the digging continued; gave clear instructions to Dev & Ishwar; worked well as part of the team. We were fluid and supportive. Looked out for each other when the rain came and worked well after Karaj went inside. 190 buckets. Tidy up & lunch. Priya’s insight into my attitude regarding phone calls from Robert; don’t pre-empt them with negativity.
Tidied up; washed work clothes. Supervision: Priya’s working day & minutes per task; showed how impossible her working day is, hence the need for a to-do list to organise what needs to be done and what can be done. Worked on Priya’s to-do list. Challenge to Simran regarding his isolatory behaviour last night; similar challenge from Ishwar for Simran. Simran had sucked us all in and we lost energy & momentum. Procedure: need to talk to each other when it happens. Dev’s work issues. Statement assessments from Karaj. Summaries of day from team members. Food. Update statements. Bed at 00.40.
Sunday
07.30 shower & 5 mins. stretching. Plan of the day with Karaj; to-do list; walk in the garden. Compost new seeds & cut poppy heads. Work on Priya’s to-do list incl. categories. Welcome Ishwar; present booklet to Priya. Check-in: set myself up for emotions with ‘another good day‘; the day is neither good nor bad. Garden: panels in sunken garden. I was too keen to join in & please; not aware of others; no maturity; still fucking around.
Sent out (with Simran) by Karaj; walked round the block five times with Simran; we talked and I realised what I wanted and a procedure to achieve it. Rejoined team; they had worked well without us and had good team spirit. I induce heaviness in others. My procedure is to calm myself, relax and look inside to find what I want.
Bolted panels; 38 buckets. Got changed. Food; quiet but did engage (maturely). Supervision: Karaj’s call to Calvin’s ex-wife; straight & supportive; Priya’s monthly business report (MBR) written more for herself than for the company; it highlights ambition & vision. Ishwar’s categories for work; Dev’s preparation for meeting. Summaries of day. Karaj dictated client statements. Group departed 20.30. Joined Karaj in the garden; admired our work & discussed design for frame, flooring and walls for ‘smoking’ room. Food, appraisal, notes on Dev’s meeting prep. Bed at 22.45