What follows is a summary of my insights and learning points from the past seven days:
- I hurry up (especially when I’m doing well) and end up fucking things up. Slow down and RELAX. I always think to myself: ‘I’ll relax when I’ve done this (quickly)‘. The result is that I never relax. So, start to relax.
- There is no need to rush and no need to panic. Be systematic.
- Use those around me, don’t isolate myself.
- Create enthusiasm and energy to sustain the work over the course of the day and night.
- I demean myself by acting like I am worthless; subservient attitude; deferring as though I can make no worthwhile contribution.
- I tend to relax after I have done well. This resulted in my anxiety in the supervision session because I was unprepared. I need to maintain focus.
- When I do make efforts to sort issues out things drop into place.
- Karaj says that exercise is just a way of sorting ourselves out (discipline) and that one day I’ll be all right. My present pain is because I am working on my emotions. It’s okay.
- Give militaristic instructions rather than ask questions – imagine myself in a tank with all the noise etc. Give sharp, short instructions and when I am given instructions report back.
- I get anxious when Karaj challenges (is annoyed with) Simran (and any others for that matter). It was the same with my dad and brother; I was always trying to placate the situation whenever they got at each other.
- Serve people who are doing well and I will internalise the wellness. Don’t get jealous of them and I’ll be okay.
- Insight into yesterday’s insight: whenever I tried to please Dad it was always at my expense. I need to look at what I want.
- Karaj’s challenges to me are so that the others (esp. Priya) do not think it is easy here.
- I am doing good work, creating energy. Remember that.
- If Karaj does not challenge me then he is letting me down.
- It is all about leading a saintly life.