A learning point from Karaj’s feedback: I do not finish jobs off; I do not see things through. As a result, things mount up and I eventually get emotional. So, finish tasks, because this does give me satisfaction and it means that I am in a better position to deal with emergencies when they come. And they will come.
Karaj had to remind me to work with Calvin on his forthcoming performance review. Why can’t I take control? Actually, I am doing it slowly and steadily and I am finding out that there is nothing to fear and that I am capable. Relax.
Also saw that I personalise things and make myself wrong. For instance, Calvin did not contribute much to his own process and that annoyed me. I talked to Karaj about it and he said to forget Calvin if he is not willing to do the work and also to look at myself and Simran and the games we are playing which are sabotaging the process too. I am taking it personally and Simran is trying to help/rescue.
Supervision: confront people – think of their worst case scenario when doing it in order to make the work as thorough and effective as possible (see tomorrow with Ishwar for an example). Also be ruthless with people about getting their issues, items and agendas off my to-do list. Use the to-do list to be ruthless with people.
Summary: remained calmer than I used to be in the face of challenges. Still taking things personally but also taking charge more. Feel more mature as a result of the work I am doing. The to-do list provides good structure and allows me to see my achievements clearly. Emotionally it has been a shit day: Karaj sensitive, Simran anxious, and me personalising things, but we have still achieved and, considering the space we have all been in today, we have worked quite hard. Need to take charge.