A Reminder Of First Principles

Too tired to exercise and no motivation to exercise either. Began to get a headache with all the different jobs going round in my head. (1) Wrote a to-do list to empty my head, and created enough space to get on with work. I began sorting out my outstanding appraisal documents for Karaj. He told me yesterday that I have been neglected recently (regarding the appraisals) and that this is mostly my own fault. I need to start (2) putting myself first more.

Karaj and I spent six hours in the garden working on the cottage frame. We fixed the corner panels, bolted the two U-frames together and lined the walls with polythene. For the first time I was aware that criticism would be coming my way so I was prepared to (3) not take it personally. I still did, but to a lesser extent. I also (4) verbalised my pain – lower back and stomach – in a way which was not emotional and was, therefore, treated accordingly by Karaj; he asked me about it but was not irritated because I was not out to be rescued. (5) Be straight with people.

Dev phoned to say that he has lots of energy but is feeling sad. It annoyed me that he has so much energy and is creating sadness with it. I am too tired to feel much at all at the moment – which is good – and I noticed how I felt more tired during our conversation. Karaj came in half way through and took over, telling him to cut it out (or kill himself). I finished by talking to Dev about my yoga session yesterday: it had been a difficult one, but I had remained focused on why I am there: (6) patient improvement in health and posture. And (7) discipline.

At the end of the night, Karaj and I worked on the client statements for today. Once again I forgot my own statement. Put myself first!

Summary: I am satisfied with the work and my attitude in the garden. It was good to work with Karaj, to see the improvement in my personalisation of his comments to me. In the office I also put myself first more. I can still (8) be more forceful. If I don’t I will become resentful.

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