Monthly Feedback – October 2002

Karaj’s feedback to me for October:

01. Good support. Hard work. Still issues with personalisation. It is important that you give up personalising things, otherwise you are creating a lot of danger of yourself.
05. Drained out. Been noticing how you take issues personally but at the same time you’re working on these issues by creating clarity of what is required.
06. Put under extreme stress to illustrate what it means not to personalise things. Personalising issues creates emotional tension. It is much easier to be able to analyse and take action. Action also means non-action, which is less of a problem.
07. You need to be moving onto the next stage. In the next two sessions we need to be talking about this.
08. You really need to get away from the emotions and bodily pain to absolute discipline. For example, there was a towel lying around all day and I had to pick it up. Your thinking is unclear and woolly. Clothes bin returned without the lid. Money not paid to mum. Paracetemol and milk not on the to-do list. These things go round and round in your brain which means you are going to be more and more ill. And yet there are examples in front of you, like the garden work: I would not leave until I could not go on any longer. You are not asking me how I am feeling – why am I so good and not negative?
09. Emotional. You do not complete one task. The tasks are left incomplete and therefore not only creates irritation for other people but also an emotional burden for yourself. You need to become the servant to you to-do list. Things have to be done. The highlight of looking good and doing nothing came in the supervision session where you hesitated for effect and lost your supervision totally.
10. Still confrontation on the to-do list. You are not following the list. Becoming emotional. Looking at your appraisal from March 2002, nothing much seems to be changing. Maybe you need to take your philosophical advice seriously. Again, documents not returned to client, and that created an amazing amount of confusion between Michelle and myself. You  need to consider the consequences of that and the long-term repercussions.
11. Over personalisation. Deliberate sabotage and discounting all the knowledge, experience and evidence.
12. Discounting behaviour continued. Not only having an effect on yourself but also on other people. Creating an unsafe learning environment.
13. Kept out of the way most of the time, and by the evening although you were tired, you started to make links with your learning and what you do.
14. You are unsure. You have to be reminded of simple procedures. You have to sort these procedures out quickly before some major problem results in the office. e.g. communication is only verbal. There is no system where I am aware of what you are doing. I find out at the last minute. There is also no guarantee that the clients’ documents are being sorted out once and for all.
15. All over the place. No idea what a to-do list is. When challenged about the to-do list you were more interested in keeping it tidy rather than using it to accomplish tasks. This is not good enough from someone who is aware and knowledgeable enough. This needs to be sorted out.
16. Challenged on your inactivity and personalisation and also warned that if you continue doing it, you are not going to last very long. The office is, at the moment, in the position where its success depends on your ability to contribute positively to it.
17. Not taking care of your body. You leave things half undone. You try to do them in a hurry and then cause physcial stress to your body. You are not young. You are a cripple and you need to take heed otherwise you will be a cripple mentally and physically.
18. You follow something for a few minutes and then you almost deliberately mess the procedures and you have no idea what damage you are causing yourself. The way you lift things, you have no concept of your body or the way your spine twists – no flow, no smoothness. You have a very irritating habit of unnecessarily challenging me.
19. Not following the to-do list. Doing a lot of work but cannot differentiate between essential and non-essential work, which causes an immense amount of conflict and stress.
20. Worked hard, were very supportive, but you still need to take the initiative in the office. You are not owning the office fully.
21. Get off your high horse. You need to start knowing that you are quite ignorant and your knowledge is at a low level. Communication regarding the printer was substandard and so was the checklist. You do not have the ability you think you have. You are not an intellectual and I do not want to hear any philosophy from you from now on.
22. You worked hard but, again, not following procedures – checklist needs to be used, not filed away. Phone call to Calvin’s wife should have been weeks ago.
23. You worked hard doing day-to-day work and quite tough building work. Raised concerns about the financial aspect.
24. You worked hard and steadily, confronting your tiredness and still continuing to work.
25. Despite a tired week, you continued working steadily and dealing with complex social issues as well as the to-do list.
26. Please others behaviour put to positive use in a conflict situation and also steady work. Need to be much sharper in confronting people. Again, people went round and round in getting down work. You confronted Dev for confusing Ishwar but you did not follow through to make sure he was confronted and I had to ask you for these things rather than raising them yourself.
27. Slow Progress. You need much more sharpness in the office so that people do not mess around. Everybody comes here to fulfil their agenda items and they need to fulfil them as quickly as possible. You did not consider your needs in the evening re. Calvin.
28. The tools were not in the appropriate place and I challenged you because you like creating a fuck-up and letting everyone off the hook and they let you off the hook as well. Another wasted day.
29. In the evening I found you talking to Dev like two old women gossiping. Even though I told you to cut the phone calls short immediately, that did not happen. The issue here is no longer about emotions. It is about surviving and winning, and if people are finding it difficult, they can leave immediately. This is how it was predicted and that is what is happening.
30. Again, you are not trying to understand the clarity which was provided to you when you began here – the clarity that you will go through a storming phase – and you keep on being surprised and personalising it all the time. You need to realise that you are actually incompetent. You still keep on believing you are competent, as if competency and incompetency is a state of emotion. Because of the resistance to being incompetent you are creating more and more stress. If you don’t know what you are incompetent at, then how are you ever going to sort it out?
31. You actually don’t know what you are doing and you are not taking responsibility. Instead you are having emotional tantrums. It is nothing personal but you are making it personal all the time.

General Comments

  • The work in the office is continuing steadily. You are slowly sorting out the clutter in the office and learning about what is important and what isn’t important.
  • The other issues which you are confronting are how much you can relate to people and how much you need your own space. Again, a difficult issue to confront.
  • As our business is about dealing with people, it is very hard to have black and white answers, but at the same time, there is a need for clear procedures.
  • You are handling a mini project on your own at the moment concerning Calvin and his family. You are consulting me appropriately and doing well.
  • You need to realise that working here is very challenging but that does not mean you are not contributing. You need to find the contribution you are making through your appraisals and your to-do list.

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