Karaj and I talked. I need to verbalise. And I need to have a goal – any goal – and put my energy into it. Become positive rather than negative. Karaj: ‘If you leave here this place will thrive.’ I need to internalise everything I say and make other people’s lives important. Support them fully because it takes my attention away from myself. I am in a dangerous position. July last year was bad enough because I was on the verge of being thrown out, and the two summers before that I was in severe back pain. But now we’re handling my script at a deeper level. It will last into August.
We talked about how quickly my attitude has flipped. A few days ago I was doing all right and now, suddenly, I’ve had enough and nothing makes sense. I saw progress and now I see only stagnation, with no prospects. Karaj told me I have been neglected; his attention has been with everyone else and I have been overlooked.
Wednesday Supervision Group. I talked about my brother’s visit. It is important not to play the role of the (poorly) little brother. I am my brother’s equal and that’s that. Simran had all his agenda items abandoned by Karaj until he learns to follow instructions. And the main event was provided by Shona taking things personally. She even had a go at me, saying I resented her input. I reacted immediately and with force to put her right on this. I appreciate her input in my life and admire her courage in sorting herself out and facing the issues she herself raises.
Summary: Found my voice during Shona’s issue. I am doing well, I just need the courage to walk my path.