Rules

I recall a conversation I had in 2008 during the early part of my relationship with my wife. We were talking about the rules of life and she asked me what mine were. I deliberated for a while, wondering what to say. And then I remembered this list which I had put together seven years previously. I pulled it out and she sat in the chair by the window reading it while I made dinner. If there have been any points in our relationship which have singularly reinforced and enhanced what we have, that was one of them. And the talks she and I had at that window were the beginnings of C-volution.

These rules are learning points distilled from the first two volumes of my training journal. They span the period from 7th March 2000 – 18th June 2001. It is important to know that these are my learning points, particular to my life, my journey and my script. They represent what I need to consider in order to succeed with my own personal development. This explains why, although many of the points are applicable to everyone, there are others which are specific to me.

I encourage you to discover your own.

1. Dreams become reality
2. The futility of comparisons. Not only with others but also with myself and my progress
3. Relax, take things slowly. Sleep when tired.
4. If I am seeking love from others, what is wrong with my self-love?
5. Don’t overdo anything
6. Don’t get cocky
7. We connect with people who perpetuate our scripts
8. The power of the mind to sabotage. I can become healthy in an instant but my mind gets in the way
9. Don’t worry about ‘how‘ or ‘why‘
10. Lay the foundations and things will happen
11. Stay in the present and the future will take care of itself
12. The truth cannot be verbalised
13. Slow down towards the end… of anything
14. Recognise and celebrate achievement
15. There’s no need to prove what I already am
16. Be open, transparent, polite, courteous, but be ruthless
17. Release the past, let it go and leave it where it is
18. Discipline
19. Contact with men, relationships, the exchange of male energy
20. Presence is enough to influence situations
21. Concentrate on the positives
22. Don’t worry about the negatives. I’m working on those so they get enough attention anyway
23. Don’t worry. Practice active ‘non-worry’
24. Listen to people and provide the space and the connection for them to discover their own solutions
25. No need to please others
26. No need to seek others’ approval
27. No need to prove myself
28. Stay balanced
29. Remember the evidence (of my progress and of who I am)
30. Be clear about my goals – then I am not reliant on others to tell me I’m good or bad
31. Be frivolous – for the hell of it
32. Own my own space
33. Acknowledge the small things I do
34. I don’t owe anyone anything and nobody owes me anything
35. Regardless of what people say to me, whether it is good or bad, what I need to do is go inside myself and look at my evidence
36. Don’t try to understand
37. Don’t analyse
38. Exercise
39. Be sharp, strong, and firm with everyone who enters my space
40. I am already the person I wish to be
41. I cannot resolve internal dialogues
42. The seeds of my problems with good times ending are sown well in advance with the thought that I don’t want them to end
43. My expectations also guarantee my disappointment and despair
44. There are many things which I shy away from when I have it in myself to try things out. What am I frightened of?
45. Excitement can be very dangerous and destructive – calm down
46. Smile
47. All sensations are neutral – it is we who attach significance and meaning
48. If I’m tired, move
49. All genuine progress is gentle. There are no highs
50. Thought is energy. Internal dialogues, comparisons and worry are a waste of energy. Concentrate my thoughts on myself and retain my energy for myself
51. Everything is a lie – the wise remain silent and talk in riddles
52. Play the fool
53. Create space from people in order to do my work and walk my path
54. Protect what I have
55. Don’t create noise and avoid those that do
56. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is.
57. The journey doesn’t necessarily get easier
58. My script can pounce at any time from any angle
59. Be accountable for myself and my skills
60. Don’t give anything of myself away. I do it for compliments, to feel good about myself and to impress others. There’s no need
61. Frivolous conversation helps to filter out the serious people
62. Challenge firmly all who occupy my space to contribute and grow, or clear off
63. Look inside myself for the part of me which can contribute to others
64. Slow down
65. Be curious. Ask questions and get to the bottom of things
66. Stop being sarcastic
67. Go with my initial feeling
68. Go with the obvious. That’s why it’s obvious
69. Step away from confrontation
70. When I’m tired my defences are low and I am vulnerable
71. When I’m tired I talk too much
72. Beware of people who talk too much
73. If I want to talk, seek out male company
74. Respect women at all times
75. If I’m okay then those around me will be okay
76. Stay grounded. Visit a graveyard
77. If I fuck up, just smile and start again
78. Those who know the truth don’t need to talk
79. Keep life simple
80. Have fun
81. Don’t get down about being down
82. Learn to say ‘No’
83. Let go
84. Always look at the bigger picture. It helps to see my progress
85. Seek enjoyment and satisfaction in calmness and balance
86. The more I give the more I receive
87. Welcome women, be with them but remain unattached
88. Approach everything as new. Approach everything as a challenge
89. Surrender to the task. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to life itself
90. Surrender is true power
91. Do not look to create drama and excitement for myself
92. Make things my dreams
93. Own what I do
94. Communicate my feelings and do so quicker
95. Relax and things work
96. Don’t get so involved in negativitiy – real, perceived or fantasy
97. Unless I let go I will not see my conditioning/script
98. See the conflict of the ‘Be Perfect’ and ‘Hurry Up’ drivers. Slow down
99. Persevere. We do come out the other side and we feel satisfied and okay, because things do work out
100. When anxious about things going wrong, imagine things going really wrong. Exaggerate and have some fun with it
101. It matters not what happens
102. Make life boring when people ask
103. Remain focused and don’t let my attention wander
104. The best way to ecourage myself to blossom is to encourage others to do so
105. I can cope
106. When things go wrong, simply decide whether or not to invest time and energy in trying to put them right
107. If I cannot do something out of love, then do nothing and wait until I can
108. Respect others. Laugh with them, joke with them, but do not demean them
109. Don’t create or get into ‘goodbye’ games
110. Whatever the trigger, my feelings are my feelings. They are my issue to sort out
111. Be humble
112. Be quiet
113. Discipline helps to maintain my physical, mental and emotional balance
114. My balance is my success
115. Accept people’s generosity, or it will be lost
116. Be straight with people. Do not expect them to read my mind
117. Go with my initial feelings, not with my secondary thoughts
118. Be clear about my goals. Verbalise and negotiate
119. Do not deviate from who I am
120. I’m okay when I have a focus
121. Other people (in the group) don’t have my script and, therefore, don’t have the same thoughts about my issues. So they can help me.
122. I have come to work with Karaj because I want things to move quickly
123. I have no time to waste. I need to get myself sorted quickly. So raise things immediately
124. The others in the group, because of my association with Karaj, look to me for help
125. They need me to be on form
126. I can only work on the problem in front of me
127. When I sort one problem, many others will disappear as a consequence
128. When I’m with people, be with them completely
129. I can change my mood
130. A calm mind can only be achieved through physical exertion and focused activities
131. Without foundations nothing can work
132. Paradox: the less I do the more I achieve. Don’t just do something, sit there!
133. I always have everything I need
134. There is no point to anything, so do things for the hell of it
135. Relax, observe and listen
136. Create relationships
137. Continue to seek the truth
138. Remain unattached
139. Always ask a question, because then I am in control
140. When I’m sorted out, I’m sorted. That’s all that matters
141. When I am hungry I feel alive, alert, focused, aware, clear, light, mobile and I have a stronger Parent ego state. I feel more in control
142. Make a decision and stick to it
143. Once I make a decision, what follows is much easier
144. Look at the things I have done, not the things I haven’t
145. Slow right down
146. Don’t personalise. This is attachment
147. Focus on my sensations
148. I can observe my moods. If I remain unattached they will change
149. It’s enough that I know who I am
150. Don’t overdo things
151. There’s no need to take people’s moods personally
152. It’s up to me to be cordial, friendly and welcoming
153. Everything is possible
154. Attachment can happen without me even realising
155. Sometimes I eat for excitement or because I do not want to face my issues
156. Remember the satisfaction of doing… anything
157. Appreciate the beauty of boredom. Who needs drama?
158. Shut up and listen
159. Feelings can be dangerous
160. Discipline and procedures are salvation and protection
161. Always remember the bigger picture. Don’t get too much into detail
162. Whatever I do, do it for myself
163. Too much withdrawal is damaging
164. Relax and trust that the answers will come. There’s no need to seek solutions
165. Self-searching excludes others
166. Things cannot be fixed in an instant
167. Verbalise my issues
168. Don’t give away my power
169. Habitual safe places are dangerous
170. Explanations cause more problems than they solve
171. People will ask if they want to know
172. Detach but do not disengage
173. Success reveals the next level of work to be done
174. Talk to people. The right people
175. The journey is hard. It has to be that way otherwise we simply do not learn

Karaj told me that, gradually, I would reduce this list down to just a handful of rules. That has not yet happened. Similarly, whenever he emphasised that life is all about procedures, he used to tell us that there was really only one procedure. Every now and again we would try to guess what it was. None of us ever did.