Two days ago Karaj and I discussed where we are. Neither of us is currently in the space to do anything. We are tired and in pain, so we took a much-needed and well-deserved day off and went to the beach.
Yesterday we talked further about where we are. Each time we come close to succeeding, our (body) pain will start. Everybody is in pain of some sort and the answer to all pain is the same: a change of attitude. Karaj: ‘You cannot change your circumstances but you can change your attitude.’ I need to look at my pain objectively and things will start to change. Also, after five years with Karaj things will really start to make sense. We talked about writing articles on all topics, everywhere, and getting ourselves known.
We also talked about Francis’s letter, which I received yesterday. It was non-committal and pleading. It was good to hear from him but it wound me up. He is just like Simran, wanting me to talk so he can judge, help and advise me. It was good to hear from him but I was disappointed (attachment) in the content of the letter. The response I wrote today was clear and showed an understanding of Francis’s behaviour, but Karaj’s feedback was: ‘You need to say more. For the first time you are making yourself heard. Francis wants you, but he does not want to hear you.’ That’s exactly it. He will hear me or there is no point. Karaj went on to tell me that Francis is blocking.
Karaj told a story of the woodcutter who was so keen to provide for his family because they would starve without him. Guru Nanak had him held captive for six months. Meanwhile his family found employment and generosity from a local rich man and they prospered. We cannot know what God has planned for us and others. All I can do is walk my path and have faith that things will work out as they are meant to. Don’t interfere. Be pure, clear and straight.
Summary: Freeing myself to walk my path. Feeling better mentally, but physically I’m on the floor.