Supervision (Karaj, Priya, Dev, Michelle, Ishwar George, Shona and me). Re-parenting. Because my parenting as a child made me wrong in some way, my own Parent began to bash my Child; a behaviour which continues to this day. Now, any re-parenting I receive will have the same effect as the original parenting because that is how I am ‘built’. However, the motivation behind the re-parenting is totally different (to the original parenting) and eventually I will reach a place where I no longer take comments personally. There will be no self-bashing, no embarrassment, or thoughts of ‘I’m wrong.’
Karaj on my work: ‘People are jealous of Jonathan and have tried to take over his job. (Simran knows enough not to interfere with him.) Jonathan is not a threat to anyone. He handles his own shit and does not tell me what I should do, unlike Harriet, Arun, Robert and Kuldip. Jonathan was down for three weeks. Why is he all right now? Because he wouldn’t let go. He got to the bottom of it; and he worked it out for himself. He realised that he wanted to run away from his mum (Harriet). And what a spectacular result: the Wednesday Group has closed.’
Karaj on knowledge and life: ‘Jonathan and Dev are the two who are working hard to sort themselves out. They are educated and have a lot of knowledge but they are learning that life goes its own way and that life takes priority over everything else (theory, knowledge etc….).’
Seminar: Taking Charge of Your Life. It’s all about self-belief and developing it with others, because if I try to develop it on my own then my script will be (heavily) involved, causing withdrawal or rebellion. According to Karaj, my rebellion this time round was brilliant because I said: ‘I’ll find truth wherever I go.’ Karaj added that, under stress, people will change their personalities. I need to know that this will happen. When it does, go back to my original procedures. Stop what I am doing. Verbalise. I will feel as though I need to take urgent action. That is just a feeling and that is why I have always had problems. Relax. Nothing is going to change
Summary: A full day. It took me a couple of hours to get going, but I worked well throughout the day and benefited from the seminars in the morning and evening. It has been another productive and good-natured day with little of the frustrating, circular sessions which are so common with the likes of Simran and Priya. The lightness I feel these days helps me to relax and engage with people.