I exercised this morning. I woke up bashing myself up for not having done any for a few days and also for not doing more with my time (e.g. my journal). Also, Andy is only here until August 4th. At the moment I feel like taking next week off too. I’ll speak to Karaj about it today. Anyway, I feel much better for exercising. Good discipline. It’s clear just how important it is to me. It makes a big difference to my day.
One thing I noticed yesterday: Pastiming (TA) instead of serious discussion. In the past, I have tried more serious conversation to try and understand Andy so I could be more like him. Now, I am happy just to pastime and chat and be with him. It’s more fun to just chat ‘aimlessly’ and to be myself. And besides, the serious talk is always a possibility with him.
Things are good and I’m happier than ever with myself in Andy’s presence. I feel a greater respect from him. In the past, I have always felt immature, younger, more unsure of myself. Andy is so sure of who he is that just being in his presence can bring out one’s insecurities. This time, however, I am much more comfortable with who I am. We are getting on very well.
Karaj phoned today – it’s okay to have next week off, but I must be very careful around women.
[This post, and all the others between 23rd July 2000 and 11th August 2000, should be read in conjunction with the current post, ‘It’s My Script’, from 8th August 2011.]