07.25 E&M 30 mins. When the alarm went I was so tired I wondered how I would make it through the day. I left my exercises until the last minute, favouring a little extra sleep, and just did some gentle stretches when I finally got out of bed. On the way to the house I told myself I would try walking to the house next month. Then I told myself I would try it this week.
Talked to Karaj about the real reason I was bashing myself up yesterday. It wasn’t just that I was late. I had allowed/invited Earl to invade my space and fuck it up. At first Karaj told me that I am committed and that I handled it correctly yesterday, taking the responsibility myself, not blaming others and in doing so I raised the standard of the group. Then he said he hoped I gave myself a good bashing up for what I did. I assured him I had. It was an important lesson for me.
Dev and I went to buy some more roofing felt. As we came out of the store Dev’s mobile registered a message. I said, ‘That’ll be Robert wanting us to get some bolts’. Dev did not react so I assumed (assumption!) that he must know who the message was from. We returned to the house to find that it had been Sunil asking us to buy some adhesive while we were there. We had to return to the store. I am struck by the fact that people do not listen to me. Robert with his flirtatious women, Earl about the location of the shop and now Dev about his phone message. Be more assertive and less humorous. I am not serious enough and I assume that people have heard or understood what I have said.
In the feedback session, after the exegesis at church, Karaj told me that I am too relaxed, too laid back and when I tell people things, what I actually do is give them the choice of listening to me or not. I do not impose my words on them. Ultimately, this allows me to blame them. What a game! I need to say things for my benefit. When I do that I will be clear and straight, and I will be heard.