Before I began my training I was reading a lot of books. Mostly science books, but others too, all in an attempt to understand the world around me. When I started my training one of the first things Karaj told me was to stop reading. For the time being at least, there was no need. I have all the answers I am looking for. They are all within me.
The journal entry from 11 years ago (‘Listen to Myself’) gives an idea of what Karaj meant. It is an example of having all the information needed to make an informed decision, yet not fully realising. As I read it today before posting, and looked back through previous entries on the subject, I wondered why it had taken me so long to reach the conclusion I reached in that entry.
The problem at the time was that my emotional ties to the relationship clouded my vision for too long. I wanted things to work and justified, overlooked or explained her behaviour in order to avoid having to face the facts that it wasn’t going to work. People don’t change just because I want them to. And situations don’t work just because I want them to.
In addition, we are often reluctant to let go because having something is better than having nothing. However, when we do finally spring clean our lives it is an invigorating and empowering process. And it leaves a space which will eventually be filled with something more beautiful. The trick is not to wait for the spring cleaning, but to maintain our lives constantly; to examine it each step of the way and decide what to keep and what to leave behind.
I left the books alone and, in time, I discovered that if we look into ourselves we find not just the answers, but also the courage to act.