Karaj and I talked about the differences between men and women. We talked about my dad and how he gave me no parenting and even competed with me when I was fifteen: I was sad about my relationship which had ended, and he was having a breakdown about his. We also touched on the charming behaviour I have from my Granddad. And we talked about Karaj’s assessments; they come from feelings. He uses feelings appropriately.
He told me my therapy starts here. I am being more congruent: what’s inside is now appearing on the outside and now the viciousness will appear – from me, and towards me from others.
Karaj challenged me later, in the WSG group, for not being thorough. He’s right. If there’s one thing above all else which Karaj is, it’s thorough. When challenged, I remained fully present and took the challenge responsibly. Harriet said she had a challenge for me too, and I could feel myself go on the defensive automatically and prepare for a fight. Fortunately, I had time and space to relax and I soon saw what it was I was doing and what I needed to do: relax and take the challenge responsibly. Learn from it rather than resenting the whole group situation for being another arena where I will be exposed.